Brexit: all you need to know so far

Just in case our UK readers have been rather busy shovelling global warming in the last few days, a handy summary of the last ten days in Brexit.

Sunday 3 December

• Dim Theresa goes to Brussels, agrees to everything the EU demands.
• She hands Northern Ireland over to the Republic of Ireland, without telling anyone, not even the DUP (the party currently keeping her in power) or her Brexit Minister, David Davis.

Monday 4 December

• Nice lunch to celebrate the deal, but spoiled in the middle of the main course when…
• …the DUP hear of her plan for the reunification of Ireland (by accident via an EU leak – trust in Theresa not increased).
• Back to the drawing board scribbling pad and crayons.

Tuesday 5 - Friday 8 December

• Theresa says: 'Let me be clear…'. General confusion breaks out.
• Early morning deal reached in Brussels by people who are so tired they shouldn't even drive a motor vehicle.
• Deal has no legal validity, can be overturned at any time, effectively meaningless. It is not an agreement in any sense of the word, just a 'Joint Report'.
• Ireland problem completely unresolved, because there is no logical alternative to a hard border.

Saturday 9 - Sunday 10 December

• Theresa: deal is a breakthrough.
• Government: deal is meaningless, perhaps even a meaningless breakthrough.
• Government confused. MPs confused. Media confused. Theresa: 'Let me be clear...'.

Monday 11 December

• General confusion.
• 'Theresa May's triumphant return' [Telegraph].
• More general confusion.

Tuesday 12 December

• 'She won loud rhubarbings of support... the crisis has passed' [Mail].
• General confusion. Theresa: 'Let me be clear...'.

Wednesday 13 December

• Prime Minister's Questions. No questions answered at all, certainly not in any generally accepted meaning of the word 'answered'.
• Parliament decided to allow itself a vote on whether to accept the final Brexit terms reached at the end of the negotiations.

This is what has happened in the Brexit process in just the last ten days.

Our guess at the moment is that after a further 12 months of confusion and drift under Dim Theresa, involving parliamentary guerrilla warfare in the Commons and the Lords, a majority of MPs will want to 'hold on tight to nurse for fear of meeting something worse' and thus choose to stick with the EU. There will be a general election, which the Trotskyite Labour party will win. We shall then ask ourselves: 'What was all that about?' and have no idea what the answer should be.